This is my heart's fault

& This is what I fucking get for getting my hopes skyrocket high.

I'm just so fucking tired of trying !
Every time I aim for my target, I'm so confident,
but then it disappoints me in the end,
AS ALWAYS.

I know life isn't fair,
but this is too much.

If life isn't fair, why the hell are we here?
How are we able to get the things we want?

I don't know what to fucking do, or think anymore!

But all in all,
I should have known better.
I curse at myself every time I risk it, and fall flat on my face
telling myself, "what the fuck were you thinking?!"
I understand it was my fault,
and I'm terribly mad at myself for giving in.

But what I don't understand,
is why did I give in, in the first place?

It seems so different, and so in-reach,
that I'd think this would finally be the time
where life says, "She's had enough."

When will life ever be on my side?